Inaugural Maughan- Scally Cup
Galway, March 27th-28th 2010


 

UCG:  1 win & draw   (6pts)  - Win tournament

UCC:  1 win + 1 loss (4pts )       

UCD:  Draw + 1 loss( 2pts )







It was with great pleasure that Fred Gilligan accepted the offer for the Super Fours to participate on behalf of the Collidge Junior Section in the inaugural Maughan-Scally Cup. So on Saturday March 27th NUI Galway played host to the Super Fours and UCC. With the trophy being named after two legends of UCD RFC, the Fours felt they had a responsibility to bring the trophy home. A number of road blocks and dodgy decisions by a retired Garda Sergeant meant this was not too be the case, but the spirit and fight the Fours showed would certainly have been too the liking of these two former Collidge greats.

The Fours were given the ideal preparation for the tour by attending the Annual Club Dinner the night before in the O’Reilly Hall. Such preparation has been the secret to Tom Hills successful road-show for a number of years; unfortunately for others there bodies had not become so immune to carry on regardless to the previous nights escapades. Saturday morning saw Gero frantically calling around Garda Stations, Early Houses and Stravinski’s ‘Pop Lock and Drop Club’in an attempt to pull together this band of Collidge warriors. Tommy ‘Krystal mon’ Breen was the first to fall foul of the seafood from the night before, as he copied the females he tends to creep on by chugging his insides out by the side of the bus. Paul ‘St Tropez’ had to be pulled from his silk sheets by the returning Shoebox Shuey and Evin Patrick Wallace Keating. Somehow the Fatty Henson stunt double had time to apply himself with Fresh Tan and some greasy Mexican hair product. There was a rumour going that the lads caught a glimpse of Glenda Gilson leaving St Tropez’s love-nest as they pulled up. This has neither been confirmed nor denied by Martin King at TV3.

So with all accounted for and on the bus, Gero made one last call in desperation to find out the whereabouts of one half of the Louis Walsh inspired coaching ticket W-Enda. Enda ‘Minnie Mouse’ O’Connor had last been seen in the boudoir of Copper Face Jacks, a swanky late night drinking establishment on Harcourt Street. With no response it was left to Willie to try to discover the cross dressing coaches’ whereabouts. So a rather quiet but focused group of young finely tuned athletes led by the pioneer of rugby tours Dave ‘C.U.Next Tuesday Ref’ Jones and Cambridge Tour Veteran Shane ‘I brought a girl on a date to Harto’s’ Geraghty headed West.

Upon arrival in NUIG’s playing fields, a rather picturesque setting beside what can only be assumed Galway’s renowned water supply and Brendan ‘Didi’ Conneallys family castle, the Fours did a well drilled and fluid warm up. Notable moments in this, Paddy ‘Panda Bear’ Barrett lying down, Tom ‘THS’ Hill lining up in centre and then the wing, and John ‘Water into Wine’ Lynch doing some form of Pilates like motion whilst stretching. ‘Krystal regular’ Breen also turning a Kermit the frog shade of green when he was named as starting 12 must also be mentioned, that suspicious knee injury raised its head again though, and the Road Show moved into 12.

The Fours first game was vs NUIG the hosts, this was a match which Collidge could’ve been 14-0 up within the first 5 minutes. Twice thanks to fluke like skip passes by Dave ‘Spring Rolls’ Ward, St Tropez found himself breaking through only to be thwarted by the NUIG 15. Collidge still managed to ease into a 3-0 lead when young U20C academy starlet Ross ‘Knuckles McGrath’ Martin slotted over a pen. NUIG forced their way back into the game though when Micko ‘Fists McGee’ Barton decided he was Carlos Spencer and launched what looked at first like a Garryowen but then on a second glance it was clearly a forward kicking a rugby ball. This kick went high into the Galway sky and then went backwards and bounced awkwardly in the Collidge 22. Some say this was the moment that ‘Knuckles McGrath’ Martin took a dislike to the Super Four Veteran as he was left to clear up the mess. This led to NUIG drawing level, and this was how the first game finished a gritty 3 all draw.

Game two for Collidge was a must win affair, they also needed to win by more than four points as this would mean the trophy would be coming back to Dublin. UCC had lost 7-3 to NUIG in the opening game. With ‘Kyrstal Pants’ Breen deciding he was well enough to participate and Doc Willie ‘ lumberjack’ Doran back on the sideline following his chopper ride over from Dublin the fours felt positive about the outcome of this final game. The fours never hit their stride in a poor 1st half and fell 11-0 behind; this left them with a mountain to climb. The ref a local retired Garda Sergeant was not overly fussed on the Collidge rucking style especially that of Olan ‘UCC was my 1st choice’ Kinneally and a number of decisions began to go against the frustrated fours. The Fours never say die attitude surfaced though and they scored a cracking team try in the corner through Connor ‘Mascot’ Hussey. Unfortunately even with Greg ‘Palestine Jack- Presbaluski’ Stravinski on the field the Fours couldn’t steal the victory in the dying moments. This meant that the inaugural Maughan-Scally Trophy would be staying in Connacht until next year.

A special mention at this point must be made to Dave ‘Alicadoo Supremo’ Carrighy who drove down to support the Fours. He also presented the trophy on behalf of UCD RFC to the eventual and deserving winners NUIG. The fours appreciate the support of Carrighy and if there are any IRB openings for Press related roles this journalist would be very interested!!

With the rugby completed the Fours headed back to their strategically picked base camp the Menlo Park Hotel. As the bus pulled up there was a collective sigh of disappointment at the realisation there wasn’t a golf buggy in sight. The fours were also greatly relieved to see the Enda of W-Enda sitting at the bar in the hotel; the coaching sensation had missed the rugby as he had fallen in with some of his Emerald Warrior Pals the night before. This had led him to miss the bus but he had managed to hitch a lift with the Xpose Crew from TV3 who were heading down to do a piece of St Tropez’s going out clobber.

With everyone know in place the Fours led by Greg ‘ Mexican Speed Balls’ Stravinski hit the streets of Galway to participate in some orange cordial induced banter. There is no truth in the rumour that at 5.30 am in a residents bar, Cud, Fudge the artist formerly known as Fud, ‘Sex Panther’ McDowell, Mascot Hussey and a duck called Ruthie amongst others were involved in a sing song with group of horse traders from Ballinasloe led by man called PJ. There is also no truth in the matter of Conway the budding lawyer having a cheeky cat nap on a couch in the lobby. The only truth is that Panda Bear Barrett was tucked up and asleep with a freshly squeezed OJ at 11pm. This is of course the proper behaviour of rugby playing athletes such as the Fours.

The following day all well and truly rested from their early nights, the Super Fours had a breakfast of fruit and fibre, skimmed milk and some grape fruit. This was followed by a cranberry juice bong and a quick jog led by chief Alicadoo’s Brian ‘Fidel Castro gave me these cigars’ Mahon and Dave ‘ Jedward’ Johnson. With that Doc Doran hit the road with Shoey who had to be dropped at the airport as he had a rather pressing game of golf that he needed to get his hamstring right for. The remainder of the party boarded the bus for the trip home, which was made even more entertaining by the Pop, Lock and drop courtesy of Stravinski. This Wisconsin maverick also regaled the team of tales of his ladies and other far fetched anecdotes. The Fours returned to Belfield just in time to catch J1 Ducks playing Greystones.

Special mentions must be given to Gero, true gentleman and legend of Junior Rugby, who took on the position of Tour Manager with gusto. Dave Jones another legend, who the Fours are deeply indebted to for his time and general good will. Tom ‘THS’ Hill for his mediocre captaincy and superb fund raising, without it this tour may not have taken place. Fred ‘jet setter’ Gilligan for abandoning his troops and heading off to meet the Austrian RFU on the slopes, brown envelopes still ring true for FF. ( That’s Fat Freddy, not Finna Fail, in case of any libel cases!) The Fours want to buy the Enda of W-Enda a new alarm clock, so he won’t miss any more important matches, no matter how many Strawberry Daiquiris’ he had the night before. Connor ‘Mascot’ Hussey and Fists McGrath Martin both deserve a pat on the back for coming through unscathed on their first Junior Tour as U20C’s. Although the revelation of Hussey locking himself in a cubicle to call his ‘missus has knocked a bit of the kudos off. Fair play to Dr Nick Tristan Cassidy for discovering this, not so fair play to St Tropez for barging into the wrong cubicle! A final mention must go out to Tourist of the Weekend Gregor ‘Presbaluski you’re off the case’ Stravinski whose dancing in Fibbers McGee night club and then the bus stole the show. The world deserves to see the Pop, Lock and Drop no matter how disturbing it is. 


Also notable absentees were Micko Hurl and Al ‘Kicker’ Garvey, rumour has it that Hurl had a free Gaff. We are not saying anything else on the matter.


The Fours return to normal business this coming Thursday vs Barnhall in the 2nd round of the Winters Cup at 8pm in the J4 Superdrome, support is welcome and greatly appreciated.


As per usual Gilligan called me asking for the final say as his Austrian junket is running on until Saturday. He said he wanted the Fours to have something to prep them for Thursday, I was also promised a slot in his 2018 cabinet. So once again the Fours spiritual leader closes out the proceedings in his usual way. ‘Leadership, like coaching, is fighting for the hearts and souls of men and getting them to believe in you.’ Gilligan; March 2010.

 

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